Inspired to Succeed: Leading superstars (and others) behaving like idiots.

Ridiculously common leadership challenge:

That rising star you promoted into a management role, what a mistake! He’s throwing his weight around. She’s behaving unprofessionally. He’s demoralizing the staff. She’s creating conflict. He’s just not getting the job done.

So what do you do?

Traditionally, if we don’t ignore the situation or promote the person (which happens more often than you might think), we confront. We yell. We threaten. We paper the file. We discipline. We demote. We fire. We have that difficult conversation. That’s what accountability is, right?

Not necessarily.

Accountability is us taking responsibility. Us, being accountable.

Every day companies take people who are excellent at what they do and promote them into roles that require they do something more. They assume that people will naturally be as good at the new role as they were at the old one, without recognizing that the new job requires completely different skills and perspectives.

Bad management behavior is a sign of someone who’s drowning — and may not even know that swimming is required, much less how to do it.

As their supervision, their failure belongs to us. It is our job to lead even our leaders.

Should they know better? Maybe. But if they don’t, you are just fighting reality.

Is it understandable and even justified, to discipline these rogue managers? Maybe. It’s just not effective.

Let’s look at how traditional discipline works. We’ve all been there. How do you respond when you are slapped down? Do you push back? Become defensive? Resentful? Do you go underground? Does your confidence take the hit?

Even when people are open to feedback and want to do better, traditional discipline creates an extra layer of fear, defensiveness, and judgment that ultimately gets in the way of performance.

As leaders, what we had better want, even though we may lose touch with it in the moment, is for our people to truly succeed so that our organizations will succeed along with them.

Business is a team sport. If we want to grow, we need to develop and support our players.

Here’s a more effective approach to creating true and sustainable accountability in managers (and others) who disappoint:

1. Take responsibility. Don’t just push people into the deep end of the pool to sink or swim. Supervise and fine tune and guide and coach. Let them struggle — that’s how they learn — but don’t let them go under and certainly don’t let them drown anyone else to save themselves.

2. Align with the person you’re disappointed in. It’s counter-intuitive. We believe we need to confront. Yet, frontal attacks are always met with resistance. So instead of initiating a losing battle, create alignment.

This does not mean making unacceptable behavior okay. It simply means playing on the same team. Instead of standing in front of an employee and pushing them backwards; metaphorically, come around behind them and support their forward movement.

3. Direct their vision to the future. Speak to what is needed. Speak to what’s possible for this person in this role. Speak to their ability and your commitment their success. Be clear about what success looks like in this position in this organization, so they know what’s expected.

4. Build on what’s working. Focusing on what’s wrong keeps you stuck in what’s wrong. Cutting people down doesn’t build them up. Start from what is going well and focus on adding what’s needed. Ask them what support they need.

5. Do not do the work for them. If the support they request removes their responsibility or opportunity for learning, firmly decline and refocus. Empowering and facilitating is the shortest path to growing a stronger company.

6. Have them evaluate their own progress. You evaluate their evaluation. True accountability is helping a person hold him or herself accountable.

7. If you can’t do this, one of you needs to go. That’s right. If they can’t achieve the clear expectations with this kind of support, more often than not, they’ll leave on their own.

On the other hand if you can’t be this kind of leader, what hope is there for your organization?

Make the time. It’s worth it.

Do you know where you’re leading from in stressful situations?

 (458 words, less than 2 minutes read time)

An exec, high in ranks of a financial organization, was dealing with a CEO who was increasingly angry and demanding. The harder the exec tried to figure out how to please the CEO and gain his acceptance, the angrier and more demanding, and even abusive, the CEO became. With each new conflict, the exec always came at it asking the question: what do I have to do to get him to accept me?

It turns out, the CEO didn’t give a whit about the personal relationship. All he cared about were the business results. He was becoming more and more frustrated by this exec’s focus on the personal. The more the exec pressed for acceptance the less accepting and more demanding the CEO became.

Neither of these smart, talented, experienced professionals were wrong. Results are essential. So are good working relationships. What was going on is that each of them was approaching every problem from their own particular style and with a huge gaping blind spot to the style of other.

We all do this. We may think that we have many reasoned approaches to dealing with our business partners. But if we’re brutally honest with ourselves and take a  deep look, we’ll see that especially in the face of problems — real problems, the ones that stump us, the ones we don’t know how to solve, the ones that get under our skin — particularly in those moments, we each have our own habitual reaction that is our default. And it blinds us to other options and opportunities.

We might become angry and demanding. We might get very worried about the relationships and be unable to see anything else. We might focus on finding any solution that will stabilize the situation, anything to create peace now. We might focus on the details and facts, trying to prove our way out of the situation. We might go quiet and avoid the problem, hoping it will just go away. And so on.

The more stressful the situation, the more likely that we will approach it from that same room in our minds.

What room in your mind do you lead from when you are stuck in a business problem?

One of the ways I coach leaders and management teams is to make them  aware that they are only seeing the one room, while there’s a whole estate worth of other options available to them that can increase their effectiveness and their organization’s productivity.

The poet Hafiz said “Change rooms in your mind for a day.”

True leaders, when frustrated, change focus inside themselves before focusing outside themselves.

Become aware of your internal scenery. Find the door out of the room you’re stuck in and see what new solutions become possible.

Managing Growth: Why financial goals undermine financial results

I met this week with a leader in a digital media publishing company that is poised for growth. They have a powerful and connected new board driving them to grow the business. They have a strong platform to build on. They have a devoted following who believes in what they have done in the past.

I began, as I usually do, by asking, “What’s your Point B? What will successful growth look like for you?”

His answer was all about the financials.

I hear this a lot. We are measured by our financial success (both internally and externally) so we start to see the financials as our objectives.

This is an enormous trap that snaps the legs off many businesses. And here’s why:

Your financials are the results of organizational strategy and execution. As organizational goals, financials are generally not actionable. Other than putting money into passive financial investments, there are no direct actions we can take to achieve financial goals. And if goals aren’t actionable, they are nothing more than wishes. Very distracting wishes.

As many business leaders have learned the hard way, we cannot directly control our financial results. Sure, we can influence them — but we are ineffective when we put our focus on trying to control them. Setting financial goals is an attempt to control what we can’t control and results in tremendous squandering of focus, energy, time, good will and much more.

So, if we can’t control the financial results, what can we control?  We can create the conditions that will produce the results we want to see. This may seem at first like semantics, but we all frequently see leaders who by focusing on trying to create the money overlook the very strategies and actions that would otherwise lead to the money.

No matter what your mission statement says, setting financial objectives makes money the purpose of your organization. The primary goals and objectives of any organization inform its decision-making, interactions and everything else. When your primary objectives are financial, your people can’t help but make decisions that communicate to customers and prospective customers that money is what you care about. As your customers are an important player in your growth, the effort to focus on money as a goal actually undermines its own achievement.

Making the bottom line your main purpose in this way robs you of the opportunity to capture the hearts, minds and energy of your customers, your staff, your vendors, and the public. Focusing on the money keeps you from having a higher purpose that people can really get behind, talk about, and want to work hard for.

Growth is not a one-sided event that is all on your company to create. Growth is always a collaboration between an organization and its customers, staff, vendors and others. Focusing on the money, which is only of interest to one party in the collaboration, actually denies and sabotages the existence of that crucial partnership.

So, what do I coach my clients to do instead?

1. Develop a clear picture of the purpose of your organization. What business are you in? What is the meaning of your products and/or services to your various audiences?
2. Know your desired financial results. Revenues are a critical guide and measure of organizational health and progress, but should never be your primary objective. Even (as in the case of banks, investment companies, etc.) when growing money is your product and service!
3. Set objectives that create the conditions for the financial results you want to see. Set objectives based on actions, behaviors, or things your organization can create that support both your organizational purpose and your desired financial results. Use the results as a measure rather than as the objectives themselves.

The most successful companies already know this: Focus on creating the conditions that lead to the results you want to see and the results will take care of themselves.

Inspired to Succeed: None So Blind As Those Who Focus on Reality

A vice president in a health care organization sees the problems caused by upper management as unsolvable.

She thinks she is just being realistic. She feels powerless to make any changes and fears that she will lose her job if she speaks the truth. She is paralyzed and feels her only option is to tolerate or leave. She doesn’t even consider the potential opportunities that might become available to her in identifying and addressing these challenges head-on.

The president of a digital marketing company believes that “no one has money to spend right now.”  He can find plenty of evidence to support this reality, in the media and from his own personal experience in reaching out to companies for new business who have said “This is not the time.” This belief combined with his fear of rejection and failure is actually preventing him from being able to find and target companies who are growing and profitable and in need of her services.

The head of a PR agency focuses on the likelihood of losing a client if she asks for fair compensation in today’s recessed economy. Not wanting to fight reality, she charges less than she knows she needs and is struggling to make a living. She doesn’t see the potential of winning the client over by making a strong value proposition.

Every business (and life) situation has BOTH challenge and potential. When we focus exclusively on what’s lacking, what’s not working or what might go wrong, we miss the wealth of opportunities that surround us. When we focus too much on “reality” (meaning fear), we become blind to possibilities that could turn our situation around far faster than we could even imagine.

A critical leadership best practice is while remaining aware of the challenges,  keep your focus on the potential. Form a vision for a better way and let that guide your thinking, decisions and actions. Be a little (or a lot) unrealistic. Dare to believe that things could be much much better. And then put your focus on making it so.

Where are fear, frustration or lack keeping you from seeing the opportunities right in front of you?

Ask yourself if you’re being driven by wanting (it may feel like needing) control, safety, approval, separation or connection. Be brutally honest.

Get coaching support in shifting from reacting to these blinding wants to activating the creativity of what’s possible. Your success depends on it.

Inspired to Succeed: The Most Powerful Effectiveness Tool

This is the true (if oversimplified) story of two divisions in a manufacturing company.

There’s been powerful movement in the organization toward using statistical tools to increase accuracy and reliability.

Doubters dominate one division. They believe data can be manipulated and while they are following the requirements they continue to put their trust in past experience and knowledge, the way they’ve been doing it for over 30 years.

True believers lead the other division. They are committed to the process. They are engaged and energized. They talk about it, collaborate, problem solve. They are interested in the outcomes. They take pride in the results. They are open to learning, open to being wrong, open to making mistakes and corrections.

Both divisions are using the tools. However, the doubters use them superficially, simply going through the motions to meet the requirements. The true believers, on the other hand, are excited and in a constant process of discovery and amazement.

The doubting group spends much of its time trying to get a handle on the reasons behind all their field failures.

The true believers have no field failures.

Truly. None.

5 observations from this story that I want to share with you:

1. Belief is the most powerful of effectiveness tools (and disbelief is the most powerful of underminers). People who believe in what they’re doing will do it more deeply, more thoroughly, more effectively.
   
2. There is a huge difference between doing something just to check the box and having authentic energy for it. 
3. There is no absolute and forever right way. Grow along with the body of knowledge or fall behind.
4. Protecting your position is no protection at all.
5. Open minds have more fun.

We are all in change/growth situations at all times, whether we know it or not. We all have places where we don’t see that we have become stuck or attached to doing things a certain way that no longer serves us. Some business and leadership coaching — check in with yourself.

• Where are you going through the motions just to check off the boxes?
• Where are you protecting obsolete ways of being?
• Where might becoming a true believer make a real difference in meeting your objectives?
• Where could you open up your mind and more possibilities?

Perhaps you see other valuable lessons here? If so, I’d love to hear from you.

Ever get frustrated that people aren’t following your instructions?

Here’s a story of frustration I’ve been hearing variations on lately:

“I told my (fill in the blank) ___________ employee/vendor (kids) how I wanted it done, but they just aren’t getting it!”

Can you relate? Have you ever felt that frustration when you keep telling someone what you want and they just can’t get there?

Which of the following is your go-to solution in these situations?

1. Do it yourself. It’s the only way if you want it done right.
2. Put it on hold, officially or unofficially. Plan to deal with it later.
3. Give it up entirely.
4. Fire or take the employee/vendor (kid) off the project and get someone else to do it. (And someone else. And someone else.)
5. Yell a lot.

A better question: What would happen if instead of getting frustrated with your _______employee/vendor (kid), you took the responsibility for their not knowing how to meet your needs? What might you do differently?

Here’s the Leadership Incorporated approach: Get engaged in the process. Show them how you want it done. Let them do the work while you give supportive feedback. Coach them through it step by step.

My brilliant manufacturing client does just this. And while other divisions in his company are spending all their time trying to figure out why they have such high failure rates, his team is just getting the job done.

But won’t that take me more precious time than just doing it myself?

You already know how shortsighted that objection is! The logical answer is yes, it takes more time the first time, but it will save time in the long run. Right?

Wrong.

It actually doesn’t take more time at all. Because in truth your project isn’t moving forward, your needs aren’t getting met and it’s taking tons of time! Watch the trap of comparing the time it takes to lead-by-coaching with an idyllic fantasy of mind-reading vendors and staff (and kids) that by definition doesn’t currently exist.  It takes far less time to get into the solution than to stay in frustration and blame.

True leadership means taking full responsibility for producing the desired outcome. Keep in mind that your desired outcome is NOT that you do it all.

When you spend the time to be a true leader you’ll end up with people who know what you want and how to get there — and you’ll have greater confidence in their ability to deliver.

Why a Chief Inspiration Officer is smart business

When told they had to  shave $3.8M from their budget, one thing the University of Idaho felt was far too important to lose was their $112,500 part-time Chief Inspiration Officer. As you might imagine, they’re getting a lot of pushback on this. But the Provost says, it is “absolutely worth the money. She’s helping us reshape our culture.”

By “culture,” they don’t just mean happy people who like working together. They’re talking about a culture of purpose.

So what’s so important about that? Well, let’s look at just a few ways developing a culture of purpose directly impacts profitability.

BETTER HIRING A clear culture of purpose informs your hiring. You attract and recognize the right people. They are a good fit and improve your employee retention. Have you taken a look recently at the cost of replacing people????

INCREASED PRODUCTIVITY People work differently when they’re working for a purpose other than their paycheck. Given a choice: someone who only cares about doing their time and getting the check vs. someone who only cares about keeping their job vs. someone who cares deeply about making your organization excellent. Which would you choose?  People who work for organizations with a culture of purpose don’t just work longer and harder, they bring passion to it and care about what they do. You’ll see the difference in your bottom-line.

EFFECTIVE DECISION MAKING Creating a culture of purpose is actually all about planning. You know how much time and money planning saves. When you’ve planned out a culture of purpose, your decision-making process is clear and universal. Decisions are focused and consistent. You’ll save massive amounts of time by avoiding delays and explorations of choices that have nothing to do with your mission. Extrapolate this to every decision maker in your organization and multiply by what they’re paid. Huge impact.

QUALITY CLIENTS Think about your own product loyalties. Guaranteed, the companies you care about have a clear purpose. You count on them for excellent products and service. You don’t care about companies that don’t communicate and deliver on their caring about delivering something of value to you, and perhaps even something bigger. Why would you? Clients flock to organizations that stand for something bigger than lining their own pockets. When you stand for something meaningful, clients come to you, stay with you, refer you, talk about you, do a lot of your marketing for you, and pay more for what you offer. Any question this impacts your bottom line?

GROWTH it ain’t your father’s economy out there. Growth today will not overlook a lack of vision and purpose. There is too much competition out there ready and able to fill any gap you leave open. Growth and the ability to change are the core competencies of success. If you want to grow you need them. And if you don’t want to grow, you’ll be replaced by someone who does.

You need a Chief Inspiration Officer if:

• There’s no sense of energy and purpose in your organization
• Clients aren’t coming to you
• Clients aren’t loyal
• Staff won’t go the extra mile
• You have a lot of turnover
• Decisions take forever and take you down wrong paths

Someone in the leadership of your organization needs to hold, clarify and communicate your message. Keep everyone on track. Remind everyone of your purpose, holding your vision. Facilitate agreements on how you make decisions, how you hand-off to one-another, who you work with and who you don’t, what you do and what you don’t do.

But just having purpose isn’t enough. You need to communicate it. Cultivate it. Coach it. Design it in to each team member’s role and responsibilities.

This is not “HR’s Job.” Slotting this into HR means overwhelming your HR people and overlooking the place it’s needed most and where culture originates before rolling downhill: senior management.

You can call the role Chief Inspiration Officer, Chief Culture Officer Chief Purpose Officer. Call it whatever you want. But whatever you call it, get one.

There’s a reason the brands you know invest millions in developing culture and purpose. That’s how they got where they are. And the companies that don’t? You probably haven’t heard of ‘em.

Inspired to Succeed: What business leaders can learn from a girl’s volleyball team.

I’m writing this while watching the third match in my daughter’s Club Volleyball tournament. The team came out of the box slowly. It took them a little while to get communicating and start working as a team. They lost match 1 but it was close. In match 2 they found their focus. They killed and actually started to have some fun. But now in match 3, they’ve lost it again. They’re not talking to each other. They’re not working well together. They’re making mistakes. Blaming each other. And they’re certainly not having fun.

This same thing happens to businesses trying to grow. They can fumble around trying to find their direction and ways to communicate and best work together as a team. Then their efforts pay off and they experience some progress, some success. They get excited, start having fun. But often what they’ve created isn’t sustainable because they aren’t really paying attention to what’s working and what isn’t. They forget they’re in the middle of a process with no end. They stop communicating collaboratively. And they feel the same panicky, pressure that the volleyballers felt as they watched their success slipping away.

How to turn it around:

1. Realize that growth is a process. As you move from point A to point B, all kinds of things change and to be successful, you need to continue to adapt. Don’t get cocky with your first success and think you’re done with the work!

2. Analyze your progress. Look at what’s working and what isn’t. Look at what’s changed. Look at what is now possible that wasn’t before. Work smart.

3. Communicate. Blame only accelerates the loss. Start talking it up. Get team members input. Let them know what you’re doing and what you need from them. Keep everyone focused on getting to point B together.

4. Focus on the fundamentals. John Wooden (sorry for mixing sports metaphors) never had any team focus on winning. Instead he had them work and work on passing, shooting, driving down the lane. Do the same with whatever the fundamentals are in your business. Usually quality, customer service, and teamwork top the list.

5. Have fun. My daughter’s team started having fun when they started winning. What they didn’t realize is that you can accelerate your success by having fun first. Figure out how to make the process fun for everyone on your team and quality will improve, customer service will improve and the results will follow. Making it fun is one of the most powerful secrets to winning at business. Most companies don’t get this one right.

6. Celebrate. This is one thing the girl’s volleyball team has down. They celebrate after every play. When they ace the serve, it’s “Aaaahh, ace! Woop! Woop! “ On a good block, it’s “Access Denied!” And when they lose the point, they slap hands just as if they were congratulating each other. And in every way, they are moving forward, even when they lose the point. If they’re smart they’re learning from it.

This week, one of my clients shared with me that a $300,000 lesson they were regretting a few years ago turned into something they are immensely grateful for today. That lesson more than paid for itself over time.

I like the idea of celebrating this. In fact, I think I’ll start to celebrate all my progress, too. I invite you to join me.

Ace, Ace, Baby!

When leaders don’t know they don’t know.

One evening (about 15 years ago), my infant son who’d been playing quietly with building blocks suddenly began to scream. I looked up to see that he had grabbed a handful of his own hair and was pulling as hard as he could. The harder he pulled the louder he screamed. He couldn’t see the connection between what he was doing and the pain he was feeling.

I see this in business all the time.

This week, I coached the leader of an organization who thinks everyone around him is stabbing him in the back. He is suing one client. He has just terminated another. He’s fired one employee and thinks the rest of the staff are taking advantage. He recently stormed out of a professional association because he felt ripped off.

I see him entering new relationships already angry and expecting the worst. As a result, he doesn’t communicate well. He is so worried that he is not going to get his fair share, that he ensures he doesn’t get what he needs. At the first hint things aren’t going his way, he blows a gasket. He feels he’s given and given and he isn’t going to give anymore.

The best clients experience him as angry and demanding and back away from doing business with him. Retention of clients and staff is a problem.

He goes through his life and work screaming and screaming — not realizing that he has the power to change what he’s doing and get different results.

Before we judge him too harshly, let’s be honest. We’ve all had times when we’ve had a metaphorical fistful of our own hair in hand and haven’t made the connection that we are causing our own pain.

We are particularly vulnerable to this in stressful times, during change and even growth — when we are overwhelmed, exhausted, scared, frustrated, depleted, and low on resources.

Here are a bunch of TO DOs — and a few TO DON’Ts — that can turn it around:

TO DON’T: Ask “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?” This question tends to keep us stuck and feeling and acting like victims.

TO DO: Ask “What might I be doing to cause this?” And “What could I do differently to produce a different result?” It might seem subtle, but there is a huge difference!

TO DON’T: Blame others or yourself, even if wrongs have been done. Blame doesn’t get us anywhere.

TO DO: Take responsibility for creating the results you want and need to see.

TO DON’T: Give in to the urge to hyperbolize. Even though it may feel like it, it’s just not true that NOTHING is going right. Or that EVERYONE is against us.

TO DO: Turn your focus to what is working. See how you can leverage that.

TO DO: Remind yourself of your vision and purpose

TO DO: Prioritize

TO DO: Get your focus off yourself and onto being of service to others

TO DO: Find the opportunity in the crisis.

TO DO: Control what you can, let go of what you can’t.

TO DO: Laugh. At yourself. At the situation. Find the humor. Trust me, it’s always there. And finding it makes a real difference.

TO DO: Go outside, take a walk and clear your mind

TO DO: Remember what’s really important

TO DO: Breathe

TO DO: Delegate

TO DO: Ask for help

Finally, here’s an exercise that can help you to spot where you may be part of the problem. Simply answer the following questions:

1. Identify the undesired results you are currently experiencing. Be specific.
2. Do you truly want to change the results you are getting in this area?
3. Are you willing to be completely honest with yourself?
4. Flip it:  Imagine you WANT TO create these results, how would you go about it? Make a list. Go for volume. Have a sense of humor. Ask others.Brainstorm every possible way you could create the results you are currently getting.
5. Now look to see what on this list you may be doing — intentionally or unintentionally.
6. Now that you see your situation in a fresh way, turn it around and brainstorm ways to create the successful results you actually want.

Feel free to let me know how it goes.

Wishing you an inspired week.

How to destroy engagement, commitment and good work in 30 seconds or less.

This week I experienced first hand 5 huge mistakes leaders make in giving feedback — and the negative impact of those mistakes on forward movement toward their goals.

Last Tuesday I was the speaker at a local professional organization. As a growth engineer and consultant, I often speak to companies and other organizations about creating growth.

Rather than do all the talking, I like to create interactive experiences for my audiences that I intend will give them tools they can use immediately in their work and lives. This mini-workshop focused on helping professionals to flesh out their business growth goals for 2011.  I do this a lot and I usually get feedback that I open people’s eyes to fresh viewpoints.

This talk initially appeared  like any other. Of the 40 people in the room, most were actively engaged. As I introduced new perspectives on vision and the nature of growth, I saw widened eyes, expressions of contemplation and nodding heads. Only one person in the room was more focused on their BlackBerry than on what we were doing. Pretty darn good for 2011.

When we concluded, the group’s leader said “It’s our practice here to critique the speaker. OK with you?”  My inner voice hissed at me that “critique” was not the best way to set up a feedback situation. I didn’t listen to my inner voice. I should know better. She always knows what’s going on.

What happened next was about 10 minutes of people in “critique” mode telling me how others have done this before. What they thought I should have talked about instead. How I should have structured it.The leader went last and (thankfully) offered some positive feedback, speaking to the value he had received from the experience.

I  received some valid and useful comments. I also received some unrealistic perspectives: ideas that would have taken far more time than I had to work with. Ideas that were irrelevant to my topic. Ideas that were interesting for follow-up sessions, but which they framed as criticisms that I hadn’t covered those here and now.

Usually after I speak, there is a lineup of people who want to ask a question or connect later. This time, everyone averted their eyes from me and I found myself standing alone at the front of the room. I remember noting this same phenomenon when I was in the audience for another speaker in a similar situation (ironically in the very same room) about a year ago.

My coaching training helped me to keep all this in perspective. But many of the people to whom you may want to offer feedback won’t have had this training.

Here’s how employees react when leaders mishandle feedback:

• Humiliation, disappointment, judgment of self and others
• Certainty that the work in its entirety was a failure
• Experience of themselves as a failure
• Internalized or externalized anger at group and self
• Disengagement from the group
• Generalized insecurity, hesitation and loss of confidence for similar future work

All devastating stuff if you want to create growth in your organization!

What this leader did well:

• Asked permission
• Focused on what worked

Where this leader failed:

1. Not providing a framework for the feedback
2. Calling the feedback “critique”
3. Leading with the negative
4. Focusing exclusively on what didn’t work
5. Giving suggestions instead of reactions

A MORE POWERFUL WAY TO GIVE FEEDBACK:

Begin with some detailed appreciation. It’s amazing how much better we can hear constructive criticism when positive acknowledgment comes first

Start by asking us to give ourselves feedback.

What did we think was working?

What did we think could work better?

We usually know. If we find it ourselves, we integrate it better and believe it more.

Only then, ask permission to add to our understanding. It may seem unnecessary but this formality makes a real difference in the person’s ability to hear and integrate the information.

If a group will be giving feedback, provide parameters for the feedback. For example: “Let’s stick to the content presented here. Please share with Sharon what worked for you and what might have worked better.”

Share only observations and reactions. For example: “The point about vision changing over time really resonated with me.” Or “At the beginning, I wasn’t clear where you were going.”

Don’t tell us how fix it. Let us find her own solutions.

Ask if we have any questions or wants anything clarified. Often when people are receiving feedback they shut down. This re-engages them in the process.

As leader should you give feedback last or first? It’s important to remember that people look to you for guidance to their own behavior. If you go first, you can set the tone for everything that follows. Of course, you may also inhibit differing viewpoints. One solution: lead with an example to get everyone started, and reserve most of your comments for the end.

Think this takes too much time? It only takes a few minutes more and the results save more than time. They save the engagement, commitment, confidence and future of not only the person but the project…and potentially your organization’s ability to reach its goals. This is what leadership looks like.

Wishing you an inspired week.